tiring day~the first time my heart felt coldness~so cold..and beat so painfully..sorry i heard countless time..i cnt stand this pain in heart..i get hard to breathe and cough so badly..i coundnt sleep..i hate this feeling..i hold my chest to calm myself not to cry while i know its useless..the feeling haunt me..where i m so alone in this night..still my tears speak for me..it splashes down~i cnt be sure how hurt am i..how happy end up crying..funny feeling..i think this the only way i can relax my stressful feeling....i gave chances..but the last sentences i added..when i get fedup..its the time..i decide to close everything about you.i have the courage to off my phone and put aside..and be strong..raining day how it describe my terrible feeling now..useless..worthless..painful..neglection..loneliness...alone at the dark room wishing to sleep peacefully..finally i have the courage to love u so much and put down this feeling of us..slowly..i believe it will fade..it matter of time..matter of feeling..nitess..icy cold night.i pray to Him so that i can get peace in my heart..Lord,bless me thru the night and rest of my life..so i wouldnt get hurt by words and feeling..i dont want to get hurt when i get the love and happiness at the beginning but suicide mentally inside my mind n heart.. pls be fair to me..i just cnt get thru this painful feeling..i dont want to listen to promises by any other human being anymore..but i know You always keep Yours..pls be with me thru out the night..goodnight everyone <3

its was angry to think that when you are so sincere to talk to me and end up blocking and delete me~but now i have throw everything about you~i have a great life now~i dont need to show you~cause my happiness is none of your business anymore~think of all the tears i have drop for you when i still cnt let you go~i m curious i m regret to know you re not gentleman at all~think bk of i have done for you..i just cnt rmb it anymore~guess i have erase you completely when i throw you away from my life~dont ever come near it anymore..when the time u done all that..i was thinking sincerely to silently care for you..after you hurt me more n more..its my last goodbye for you..dont blame me for treating you like a stranger..for what i have felt..you deserve it..you just like a blind spot..forever i will never see..you make me hard to breathe..you make me suffer..but i dont blame you..i blame you for deleting and hammered my heart cruelly..your heartless....

another have gone by,weather is hot and cold..but now the drop of raining slowly hit the warm land..today i m feeling fine and happy cause i have won the present for the hard work i put on memorizing my geography..which is studying about rocks..igneous,and bla bla all that~hmmx wasnt a upsetting day but i believe today onwards i m going to more cheerful than ever cz i have frens that is caring <3 and yeap tmr is gathering day~cant wait to take photo with them =) arhh finally =) i have a friendship like this..dont have to worry reputation appearance and all that worthless stuff~its time to be funnnn!!!=D one big leap to happy ever after maybe?still curious what future bring..but whateva it is i m readyyy! <3 so i gonna keep my eyes wide open and beware of things happened around me..now i gotta work hard for the last school day next year~i m gonna be successful..i will be =) eventho everyone is watching waiting for me to fall out give up..i m gonna be disappointu on this people..still feeling unwell in my throats..feeling dry..uncomfortable..arhhh~hope it be ok tomorrow.~thats all people..have a lovely day =) love,bel

why i feel so wrong so frequently this a day~ yesh..finally step in school life form 6 again..building staircase towards the life i dream of..where i can find my smile towards my life again~it sad to know that no matter how hard you try..the past always there to trigger you and fall u back to cry and give up everything..i try so hard to erase those memories..but why..i m so confused nowaday..feel so stress out..because of emotion and what i m facing now..can i search my way back..can peel off the scar that will open and bleed anytime..try to face life positive..but human seriously have things that can't do sometimes...i wish to be stronger than before..am i faking it to myself to feel good..how naive i could be sometimes..lifes never been easy on me..i just accept the pain life gave me and struggling to past through every second of my life to make it right...i promised myself to be happy life like before..but i smile i said to myself i m going to make it totally different from now..happy life in the past will be nothing to the happiness i own now..gonna give my heart a break and feel the joy i have been through everyday..this is the only i can be smiling ;)...i dont wanna run away from problem anymore but i m going walk thru it and forget it..no more running away from this place but making this place my world..i can do anything as long i believing in myself.positive <3

it's been so long

heyaaa~im here writing my story of my life..again
from the look of it,my life seem pretty simple and still nothing big like i expected would happened..i m still waiting..
right now i m just listening to this ailee a korean singer singing to song name heaven...it really relax my mind from thinking those unwanted thought that change my emotion.its also boring saturday working out a half day ans continue sleep when i reached home~~~hmmx i dont what i m waiting for but i still feel like i have not accomplished something and there a urge that make me doing thing quickly and hoping time would flies until i get the point i want but still awaiting aimlessly..i always thought i m confidence in life but seem something kept on blocking me i guess~i cnt feel really happy like i used to..maybe it's all the responsibilities thats making me feel this way..argh~i dunno i m really tired when all the pressure is on me when i cnt even think well..feel right doing the the right thingss~every morning i woke up wishing to do something i cnt forget something that make me thing yeah you have past your day perfectly and happily.and sleep with a sweet smile~gosh why is my feeling is so confused...hmmx

why i,m getting more dumb,not realizing its getting more and more unreal.

person who keep believing for a change and commitment but getting more n more insecure..first its amazing..cnt even describe those feeling..no wonder there would exist step in relationship.i never believe and keeping my faith..never know it hurt more than what i expected.cnt breathe cnt think of anything..i hate those feeling i m afraid of that feeling..i thought i could keep it..but from the start i knew it was too damn good to last..until i felt it unreal..so i m expecting the same feeling..but i m getting the heart that is weak..i think i need to find back the strong me..the one who hold still her dignity..i m losing myself..i dont care i promise anything if i felt something wrong i will walk away like i always do..i m letting myself hurt anymore..i m not crying n worrying anymore..for you..not worth....and now spending time travelling..i learn i could learn without you..i observe what a girl really deserve..with or without you..its my life!..

my 2011 life

hey guysss~wow its been a long time i didnt upload any stories of mine.hmm what can i say? i have been busy with my upcoming spm~ahhh~i m so damn afraid i could do well~hmmx..hope i will get the result that i wanted~forget abt this~right now i m doing the craziest thing in the world..that is having holiday before my spm start~not just that but i went to somewhere that i seriously cnt focus~ahhh i just have to forget it and take a rest maybe it could help me abt it~who knows~this is a year where i m kinda confused abt my feeling too~so complicated~hmmmx~i m just gonna ignore it~maybe that could help~well i got ntg much to say also~hope i will do what best for me ;)