what a life~2010..

wow~i really kinda stress out for this year a lot~you cant even count how many times i cried how much i m hurt in this year~very tired of my life~haisss but i still faced up and move forward my life~things between my friends and family barely make me cnt breathe anymore~even studies~i do hope one..only one person could really understand me and care for me~hold me tightly and gave me strength to be strong for everything~but this year is really a hectic year for me~misunderstood and criticize words i have to hear~for ppl point of view of me..i m strong i m independent..but truly i m still weak n need someone listen to me when i m hurt..even a friend..or someone closed to me..but i just have to kept quiet and take everything alone~..going bk my cousin home..put down my bag~noone to talk to..kept on thinking what will happened next..what am i gonna to do..i m really helpless..and i just realize i stand alone for my life..noone really could understand what i m going through..i just have to be happy for the moment i m in..not internally...i tell myself..this is your life..you have to be alone that how everything will be cause i know noone knows better than yourself...but things just dont go well as i want..you can call me stupid stubborn idiot or what so ever..cause i really am~i think for ppl friends everyone alot~but always forget i have a life to live..mind ppl stuff alot just to see them smile n be happy..but after sitting alone..i closed my eyes..where are you now?what are you doing?...are you happy?...i was thinking to revenge on everything how sometimes treat me..but my heart just cnt be that cruel..pathetic!!...i just wish to see ppl who treat me bad suffer more than what i feel..but why i cnt just do it...i have thought of making them feel bad..my mind just strike..this isnt you bel...this is not what you do for your life..i just forget and forgives..i still help i still care no matter what you did..what happened in school last tuesday..the bruises on my body really make me felt stupid...being so emotional and angry never thought of my life just climb up the building and to the roof just to take my things..dont care how ppl thinks..i was too angry to see ppl making fun of my things..i wanna show you i m a girl that is out of your expectation..i m stronger when i m treated this way..so never ever looked down on me..maybe u think its fun..its nice..well i tell you now..i m serious for certain stuff so dont trigger the alarm that within me..cz might burst no matter when..but thinking back..i m just too tired to be thinking so much..i just left it alone...cz i seem to see my life..just me facing everything alone..crying alone..being independent..even when i cry i went to look at the mirror..the tears kept on flowing..my face getting hot..asking is that me...why am i crying instead of smiling like how i used to be..and wipe off the tears and calm myself ..its tough to stand alone..if you know how it felt..barely can breathe..barely can think properly..but i need to stand on the line and be brave n move on..no matter how life crush you...you still will see the sun shine on you..everyday..i still smile but its just for that moment...i seriously wanna scream out loud how the world treating me..keep stressing me up..i ord gave up a lot of what i wanted..what more you want?what more can i stand..i m ord blank thinking how to treat a friend...i m sorry for what i did i know i shouldnt cz i really dont know..i just wish to help..wish to care..wish to see ppl happy..i just will say i dont wanna be bad..i will stay who i am..isabel..the fun..friendly girl you know..not hurting anyone..i will be stronger mentally!;)