why i,m getting more dumb,not realizing its getting more and more unreal.

person who keep believing for a change and commitment but getting more n more insecure..first its amazing..cnt even describe those feeling..no wonder there would exist step in relationship.i never believe and keeping my faith..never know it hurt more than what i expected.cnt breathe cnt think of anything..i hate those feeling i m afraid of that feeling..i thought i could keep it..but from the start i knew it was too damn good to last..until i felt it unreal..so i m expecting the same feeling..but i m getting the heart that is weak..i think i need to find back the strong me..the one who hold still her dignity..i m losing myself..i dont care i promise anything if i felt something wrong i will walk away like i always do..i m letting myself hurt anymore..i m not crying n worrying anymore..for you..not worth....and now spending time travelling..i learn i could learn without you..i observe what a girl really deserve..with or without you..its my life!..

my 2011 life

hey guysss~wow its been a long time i didnt upload any stories of mine.hmm what can i say? i have been busy with my upcoming spm~ahhh~i m so damn afraid i could do well~hmmx..hope i will get the result that i wanted~forget abt this~right now i m doing the craziest thing in the world..that is having holiday before my spm start~not just that but i went to somewhere that i seriously cnt focus~ahhh i just have to forget it and take a rest maybe it could help me abt it~who knows~this is a year where i m kinda confused abt my feeling too~so complicated~hmmmx~i m just gonna ignore it~maybe that could help~well i got ntg much to say also~hope i will do what best for me ;)

hey hey guys~i m back~=)
miss me and my story?
well thereisnt much things but this special little happened just occupiy all the space for me being happy that's meeting someone so special in my life
wondering who?
i m not gonna tell
well if that someone looking this
i think you know who u r..
=)
having u in my life in the end december of 2010 really make me realize there;s still someone who make smile again so bright =)
but in this new year 2011
i m gonna accomplish a task
from changing the arrogant isabel to someone who understand and react maturely on the right situation
i m gonna be someone different that will shine out and be the spotlight in everyone eyes
i m gonaa take everything to be success
i know it will take a ling time but i m not afraid of the hard work
cz i will make it thru i m not gonna be the little girl people can look down
especially to some people out there who give me the expression on their face
you know what it really does affect me in my life but this is the only thing which remind to work hard to show you guys what im really made of
i m indenpent and i will always be
the more negative you thought of me will give me the strength to turn you down~!
2011!JIAYOU!=)

still the same~

the same feeling haunt me back again~
like the same old pain~
when you needed someone to talk to
when you approaching complicated stuff
there's not a thing you can even do~
but just acting strong and make it thru the night alone~
but the heartache can seriously make you cnt breathe at all
wanted to sleep and forget it all like what you can do
maybe this stupid heart is still soft..
never learn the lesson taught
TIAN ZHEN de me..
why will i ready to give it 100%..
when there's always something to stop your life being smooth
Still grabbing the blanket so tightly hardly breathe normally
i dont want to cry cz i know if i do i know i will let it go all..
all the tiredness and sad memory corrupt in one night
have you ever taste this feeling?
back home everyone doing their stuff doesnt even notice your presence at home
everyday i fight for my future or something
a thousand more words i need to choose
i will be alright cz i need to be brave and go over the limit which stop this life of mine to be happy
if i give up i lose to you that's faith~i dont believe there's not a single moment i can be success.
y

what my bro really wan me decide

My bro came back~yeah~how nice it feel when there's someone home i can talk too~but he is going back again and start working at brunei~=( it's upset when you got back late from work looking around your home there's only your pet welcoming you shaking it tail and accompany you thru your night~i wish it was like before me and my parent having fun together.i missed the time we r together in brunei~when i have no doubt living life like a child..but i m still growing up..'sigh'..it was nice that my bro would ask why i m kinda blur when i got home cz i didnt realize he was home till he say tmr bring me out~>.< omg..my mind is blank..then suddenly he ask what wrong with me..i was like..he tell me just say it..i answer i m afraid i will cry very badly if i pour it all out..so i didnt talk much just went to my room and listen to some song..
then he asked me..if in this world there's nothing stop you~what you wanna become..
i told him i wanna study well and get a a good job and live my life..he ask me where is the isabel who wanted to go for entertainment road saying wanted to be famous and everything..i think again..oh the dream i hide long time ago..i 'sigh'..then he told me..if i really wanted something i shouldnt give up and told me next year bring me to brunei and try to chase my dream and his friends will help me on it..but the first thing i need to change was my thought..so i can continue finished all my path..i think and think....maybe it times to achieve what i really want..

Not me~

recently finding myself struggling to be doing what i m doing now~it was ok in the beginning but slowly i found myself in no where..just making myself tired and breathless to be thinking what i m not suppose to..but the more i continue being like this..i m suffocating~i keep telling myself there's nothing you cant pass through just keep remind myself what awaiting in the finish point..but i really have no more energy to fight what keep on stop me and make me feel more bad inside..just like how i have imagined it to be..but it just felt like a glass you hold so high wishing everybody could see it just fall so hard on the floor..wishing to cry so badly but keep on holding it..while doing what i m doing..i keep on holding my faith to make it the best..i have pass through so many experience when i m doing so much but get nothing in the end..so i dont see myself cant pass through this..
Living in 2010 i found myself have changed to someone who doesnt want to trust anyone anymore..
But still acting strong go on like nothing ever hurt me...
it funny how i see myself with tears
but i m trying very hard to smile back like how i suppose to..
by myself..
i need to learn not relying on others
i just wanna be the girl who is truly holding strong for what she have..
friends and family <3
i will just keep what i m feeling a side till i found someone i could really trust with all my heart
when that times come
it time for me to bring a commitment in a relationship
and what ever happen i will hold it to the end..
i dont want to make it like what i have done before..
last but not least i will smile truly with my heart again..
i will be happy =)
i have faith in myself <3

My way~

DON'T you realize everything over~aint i look serious for what i said?
i already forget you~and i have no more feeling for you~
if you keep treating me this way i will feel disgusted by you
my life already pretty fucked up and i thought you will able to makeit better
i was wrong~
I just hope you dont keep coming in my life and ruin everything~
i m happy now~i really am~
i dont need you to make me smile again~
do what you suppose to~not coming here and make me feel like there's a chance again~
cz there's isn't~